A 21 Year Old's Perspective On Midlife

I'm fortunate enough to have a college intern working for me this summer. Lindsay Sellers is in between her junior and senior year at St. Edward's University. Poor thing, she didn't know what she was getting into coming to work for this scattered, midlife woman's evangelist. I thought it would be fun to have Lindsay write a blog post about how she thought of midlife BEFORE she came to work at WomenBloom and now, since she has a little time under her belt. Following is what she has to say!

I am a 21 year-old college student, and some of my interests include “shakin’ it like a Polaroid picture” (or, for those not “hip with the lingo,” dancing) and eating deep fried Twinkies. I love to go see midnight movies, and have my picture taken. Contrary to my age, however, I also love to cook, crochet, cuddle up with a good book (the older the better!), and am trying my hand at cross-stitching. Despite the hobbies that place me well above my age, until recently I held an incredibly shallow conception of mid-life compared to what I now know mid-life to actually be.

Before interning for WomenBloom, the word “mid-life” was not one used frequently in my everyday conversations nor was it a concept I thought about. Frankly, if I did think about mid-life, a slight feeling of dread would usually be my companion. I knew that mid-life for me would be nothing like how it is for the mid-lifers on The Real Housewives of Orange County or New York City. I could say that the epitomic image of a mid-life woman was Evelyn Couch from Fried Green Tomatoes. If it’s been awhile since the last time you watched Fried Green Tomatoes, Evelyn Couch was played by Kathy Bates. Yep, Evelyn Couch – fat and lonely.

I was afraid of veiny hands, crow’s feet, and cellulite. I would thank God that I’m only an A cup – my boobs won’t sag too much. My future husband might not find me attractive anymore. I might not even have a husband! Mid-life crisis – crazy hair cut, possible new tattoo or piercing, new job, new car, new color for the living room. My kids will be teenagers, and if they will be anything like how I was, I should be scared. Because of the number of Boomers now retiring, I probably won’t be able to collect my Social Security. How will I retire? MENOPAUSE. Scary!!!

True, my mom is living well in her mid-life. She made a move to change her career while in her mid-thirties, so now at the age of 44, she is doing well as a personal chef. She looks better than ever, sports a new sassy hairstyle, and, no matter what the weather, she can typically be found in a “flouncy” skirt and heels. My mom is in love with the life that she is living, in love with her partner, and is blessed with two wonderful kids (I’m her favorite, of course. *wink*).

I thought that she was an exception to the rule, however. I thought that she had somehow escaped whatever gray cloud that is supposed to start raining on you the day that you are considered a mid-lifer until the day you die.

By working for WomenBloom, I have discovered that there are more successful, beautiful mid-lifers out there than I thought. It is a time to be looked forward to because I will be wiser and more mature (hopefully). I will hopefully have the funds to travel. I can still be beautiful! I can still be as sexy as I am now, just more in a Sharon Stone or Kim Cattrall kind of way. Mid-life does not have to be the start of the end of your life; it can be the start of the rest of your life.

A Midlife Sex Conversation

There is going to be a sex question and survey for you at the end of this post so I hope you’ll read through.

This week we are having an ongoing conversation in the WomenBloom forums about sex and midlife. We have a couple of guests in the conversation, Gayle Michaels and Jade Beaty, who between them have an amazing breadth of sexual experience and wisdom to share. Both of them are firm believers that sex is a sacred and spiritual gift that has the capacity to add enormous joy and intimacy to our lives. And, that it is all too often treated with secrecy, shame and disrespect. They are on a mission to help people experience it more deeply and joyfully.

The reason we decided to do this is because I don’t think we midlife women talk about this very much, I can pretty well guarantee not with the complete frankness Gayle and Jade do. Oh sure, the occasional semi-embarrassed giggly exchange with a girlfriend but not really conversation. Am I wrong about this?

And, am I the only middle aged woman who still has a conservative voice in my head telling me that sex is only to be enjoyed within the sanctity of a marriage? And, I better not think about enjoying that too much or, heaven forbid, having it with myself, because I’ll go crazy and end up in a mental institution. Oh, no, I think the mental institution is only reserved for those who pleasure themselves. Oh yeah, that’s right, the marriage one is primly doing the wifely duty thing but not having an orgasm. Anyway....

I even used to think that ANY physical contact even as simple as a kiss MEANT something significant, a kind of implied launch down the path to matrimony or something like that. I have a guy friend whom I met a few years ago now on Match. For various reasons, we never connected ‘romantically’ but we kept up and would occasionally get together for a glass of wine. Well, at some point I found myself making out with him in the back of a dark bar and enjoying it immensely. After the first time, I had some angst about ‘What Did It MEAN?” After it happened a couple more times, I came to see that it’s possible to just do it for the sheer pleasure of it. It doesn’t have to mean ANYthing.

I know. Duh.

My views of sex have changed quite a bit since I was married and widowed 14 years ago. Most certainly, I’ve become more curious and relaxed about it. My attitudes about sharing sexually aren’t as casual as deliciously making out in a dark bar, but if there is someone you like and respect, and there is some chemistry there, and each is free from other commitments, what is wrong with that? With all the usual warnings about STDs and safe sex and the rest, of course. Most of us aren’t gonna be doin’ the baby thing anymore so....what?

I’m told by my friend, Karen Kreps, who writes a column called True Intimacies that 50-something men tell her that us middle-aged women are pretty much rarin’ to go on the sexual front, screw long term relationship or commitment of any kind. And, if you can believe this, the men are the ones protesting, ‘hey wait a minute, can’t we connect on a deeper level before we jump in the sack?’ Hmmm.

Anyway, I’m curious how you see it. How have your views about sex changed as you reached midlife? Or, have they? I hope you’ll comment but you can also take this easy as pie survey which might be kinda fun. Or you could do both in the interests of giving me both subjective and rigorously quantitative data. hee hee.

Then, I’m off to call my guy friend for, er, a glass of wine.

The Midlife Gals: This Is Not Your Mom's Middle Age!

Whoo hoo! I have to just tell you about my friends, the Midlife Gals!

We bumped into each other by accident in cyberspace several months ago as the three of us middle aged women were trying to figure out the derned blogging/social networking thing. Well, after an email exchange or two and realizing that, as luck would have it, we lived in the same wonderful city of Austin, Texas, I knew I had to meet these two wild ladies!

We met for lunch, bonded and became fast friends. These are two funny, SMART women. They are poster girls for WomenBloom’s mission of highlighting the fact that we are NOT living our Mom’s Middle Age! At least we don’t have to :)

These late 50s gals didn’t know what a blog was a year ago, but they decided they should have one. Did I mention they were smart?? They figured out the blogging thing AND the video thing with a vengeance. They were featured in MORE magazine a few months after getting started, were finalists in SXSW Interactive’s On Network Project Greenlights award, and have got PAYING blogging/video gigs with a large health network site.

This morning, as I sat down bleary-eyed to sip my cup o’ tea and read my newspaper, there they were!!! Featured in the Austin American Statesman’s Masters Of Their Domain section that features cool websites.

HELLOA!!! All this adds up to some pretty groovy press for what midlifers can learn and accomplish. I love it! If these two aren't helping change the perception of middle-age, I don’t know what or who is!

KK and SalGal, keep on keepin’ on, sistahs!

And now, for your viewing amusement....